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Ears, Clouds, Magic and Sleep Deprivation
For roughly seventy-six hours, I went without R.E.M. sleep. I am only now starting to recover from it. In the middle of that time… I was once told that a bumblebee defies the laws of physics every...
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The Remedy to Small-Talk: Experimental Communication and Getting Weird
I’ve never been a proponent of small talk. Despite being reasonably good at it, it has always felt so forced and scripted to me. Most people don’t like when you break from the script either, it makes...
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Unpretentious Devotion: Romantic Advice from Dogs
If you lay down in the prone position before establishing a dominant relationship with a dog, there is a good chance that he’s going to hump you regardless of your preference on the matter. Dogs do...
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The Greatest Used Book in History
If you have ever wondered where books go when they die or are just a few decades old and no longer relevant, I can tell you. They all end up in a dilapidated library that smells like old cardboard and...
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The Greatest Used Book in History Continued: April 1988
This is the fourth installment of the diary within a used book I purchased from a clearance event for “junk books” in a nearly abandoned library. For the beginning of this fantastic story, please...
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Being Born in the Future and the Deliciousness of Tomorrow’s Hotdog
I spent the better part of today comparing different colored metallic foil fringe and tinsel curtains, because I live the sort of life where stuff like that frequently comes into play. However,...
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Ingesting Gum and the Sleepiest Moment of Anyone’s Life
For whatever reason, having an exceptionally mature woman’s breasts draped across my arm makes me indescribably, and unexplainably, sleepy. I have no idea why this phenomenon occurs, but it happened...
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Weird New NYC Parks Campaign Guarantees Explosive Increase in Rat and Bird...
There appears to be a weird new New York City Parks campaign to increase the rat and bird population. Luckily, I think rats and pigeons are hilarious animals. I am already hard at work on breeding my...
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